Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Plop Plop Fiz Fiz

Rain, Rain, Go Away...Come Again Another Day...

My ass is just dragging this morning. Maybe because it hasn't stopped raining in 2 days?! It's cold, windy, rainy...what a miserable day. At first the rain was a welcome break - its the only way I can get my DD to go to bed at a reasonable time since the time change. When its dark and rainy outside it is much easier to convince her it is later than it really is. But my personality craves sunlight too, and from the recent forecasts it appears sunshine won't be around for several more days. Bah hum-bug!

Today is Day #5 of being smoke-free. YES, I know smoking is deadly, and expensive, and disgusting...I know all the facts. And yes I've tried quitting before. Like the food binger I am, I'm a closet-smoker. No, I'm not one of those skanky women puffing away on smokes in public, polluting everyone's air. Like the way I overeat, I smoke in hidden shame, visible to no one.

I know the first few days are the hardest, and I think I've officially gotten past the "worst" of it. How do I know? This morning, not once did I think about lighting up when I took the dog out to do his morning duty. On the way to work, after dropping off my DD, not once did I long for a quick smoke before work. In fact, it wasn't until I was getting out of my car and work and instinctively reached down to make sure my cigs weren't showing in the car door and realized for the first time today, that was the first thought of smoking I had. Now THAT is serious progress in my opinion!!

This week I really put my feet to the fire and wanted to stick to WW 100%. I tried, but it wasn't easy. I KNOW I can do it, but I was on a bit of a rollercoaster with the whole quit-smoking adventure. But I did it, and I feel like I've passed that dangerous mark (where I could slip backwards at any moment). So in the big scheme of things delaying my weight-loss efforts another week shouldn't be the end of the world. Quitting smoking is very difficult but I'm doing it, so staying OP should be a piece of cake in comparison, right? And I did stick to the program quite a bit this week, just not as well as I should have. So no fears comrades, I haven't deserted camp yet, nor do I plan to!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Water, Water Everywhere

Yes, that's right; I'm a not-so-lean peeing machine! Today is Day 2 of drinking my water requirements and sticking to my points. I've been taking a multi-vitamin for the past week and I've said "bye bye" to those nasty cigs. Yet amazingly, I haven't ripped off anyone's head yet (even with it being that TOM) but that might be because I'm about as water-logged as David Blaine, but a whole lot smarter I must say!

The secret of my water-drinking success this week, other than determination, is this nifty, gawdy water jug:



Yes, I know it's tacky but it holds 72 oz. of water so I fill it up in the morning, take it to work (I keep it in the office fridge) and I can't go home until it's gone. And so far, the system seems to be working. Despite the fact I take my empty cup into the kitchen when no one's around, stand in the open door of the fridge and fill it as quickly as possible so nobody sees whose honkin' big jug it is!!! Just trying to fend off the critics as long as possible.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Ab Lab

I survived the weekend which was anything but relaxing. Yet I didn't seem to get much done on Saturday or Sunday - how can that be?!

An "Ab Lab" is being offered at work on Saturday mornings for 8 weeks. It is only a 30 minute class but a real workout from what I've heard. Since the session is being offered once again, I think I may give it a shot. It's a real commitment for me considering I'm already spread so thin these days but this class might be just what I need to tone up the abs a little. Okay, my abs need A LOT of toning but this class would be a start, without overdoing it as a beginner. My stomach used to be my best asset; that's now long gone. I'd love to start redifining my waist while I whittle away at the body fat. Yes, I think I'll give it a shot. What do I have to lose, other than inches?!

I am so damn hungry today! I put myself back OP today and I feel famished. Guess my body is used to all the grease & fat I was pumping it full of the last few weeks. To help ease the transition a little I'm treating myself to a yummy dinner while still staying OP. I plan on grilling out: a small tenderloin and fresh zucchini. I'll saute up some fresh spinach, garlic and a bit of olive oil for added fuel. I hope it all turns out; I'm not exactly a master chef and using a grill is about as foreign to me as any country outside the USA. I've actaully defrosted 2 steaks in case I destroy the first one! LOL

Thursday, May 04, 2006

What I Am NOT Doing...YET!

Not that long ago I posted "What I Am Doing". Call it a jinx, or more likely a series of unfortunate events which allowed me to make excuses and not take care of myself. Now I'm facing quite a large weight gain since my last WI two weeks ago. In fact, based on what my scale said the other day and how my clothes are fitting this week, I'd bet money I am back to my original starting weight from when I joined WW back in February. BOO HOO and DAMN MYSELF!!!

Alright, no pity parties here because this is all a result of MY actions, and lack thereof.

So what am I going to do about it?

I am taking a day of vacation tomorrow and have scheduled some past-due appointments: eye exam, hair cut, eyebrow waxing...and I'm going to do some serious regrouping, both physically (planning meals, setting up a beginner exercise program, etc.) and mentally (which means cleaning the house, sorting through old paperwork, etc.). My DD will be spending the day and night with her cousins on Saturday which gives me an extra 24 hours alone to do what needs to be done!

I have set up a new "weekly meal planner" so I can be better prepared with my meals and grocery shopping no matter what happens. At the drop of a dime I may be called down to take care of personal/financial issues for the in-laws but should that happen, I'll be ready. My FIL has a very poor heart which will never be strong enough for surgery so another heart attack is highly probable. My MIL has made it VERY clear to the family that should he die first, she will immediately take her own life. She has planned this for years, and nothing we say/do will change her mind. So as you can see, I am living on the edge of a very steep cliff. My heart races each time the phone rings!

I will WI tomorrow and although the results will be devastating, I must do this. I also need to buy a new journal because I'm very anal and I want the weeks to add up correctly especially since I will be starting WW "from scratch" on Saturday, the start of my "new week".

Have a great weekend everyone out there in bloggerland!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Nightmares!

No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get myself "back on track". Okay, maybe I'm not trying that hard. I'm tired. Dead tired. I'm not sleeping well, which leaves me with little energy throughout the day which keeps me inactive and leads to further tiredness. I feel like a walking zombie!

So what's happening? Why am I spiraling into a puffy pit of Hell? The whole in-laws situation is keeping me hopping, both physically and mentally, not to mention emotionally. Plus it's just a busy time for me right now with social obligations, getting the yard ready for summer, and the committee I volunteer on in summer.

No excuses, I know. I just need to regroup and move on. I've requested a day of vacation on Friday to regroup at home while my DD is in school. Hopefully it will get me back on the right track for the weekend.



Last night I had an awful nightmare. I know it was a subconcious mix of dealing with my in-laws' medial problems and watching Dr. Oz's "90-Day Live Longer, Feel Younger Plan". It really hit home and made me realize I not only want to lose weight but also want to nourish my body with the right foods. I want to be around for a long time and I want my body to be able to keep up with me, not like my MIL who is in her late 60's and looks so much older (plus her body can't possibly support her still-alert mind).

So on to the nightmare...in my dream I was being examined by some doctors. After more and more tests they informed me I needed open-heart surgery, and I needed it now. Being I'm only 35 this may seem far-fetched but I sure woke up in a cold sweat. I realized that it was the "a-ha" moment I've needed to kick myself in the ass. If I don't lose weight, stop smoking and start exercising I WILL DIE much too young. Yes I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let myself go down when my health is very much in my control for the mostpart.