Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Scared

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm scared to weigh in tonight. Why? Because I know I haven't done my best the last several days...one meal of letting my guard down led to several, and let's not forget those damn Girl Scout cookies which arrived Monday. (I only bought them because my daughter is a Brownie so it's only right). I've eaten the equivalent of one box of Tagalongs which is my food crack of choice. As of this morning my scale said 198.5, as it has for the past few days (even last night). I'm really hoping that means I'm holding steady at this weight, at least until after tonight's weigh in. I was down to 196 over the weekend but, well...you know the story. I was really hoping for a strong loss this week to pump me up and feed my desire to try harder. Even though I feel like I've let myself down, I don't feel like I've regressed to my old ways, nor do I want to. I'm not in the mood to throw in the towel, which is a great sign. Today I'm back to eating soup for breakfast as it's the one thing that really carries me through the morning. I've been lax about preparing healthy meals to bring to work and I've been on the go a lot at night...no more excuses. Tomorrow night I'll spend some time in the kitchen and that should help me get through the weekend.

This week I got a crazy notion that I need to start dating again, should I meet someone decent. I Hemmed and Hawwed and decided to post my profile on Match.com. UGH!!! In the last 24 hours I've been bombarded with emails from guys, mostly nice guys who just don't trip my trigger. Some freaks, and not really anyone I could see myself getting to know better. My fault...I posted current pictures of myself and let's face it, I couldn't win a beauty contest these days. The mind is willing but the flesh is not ready. And deep down I know now is not good timing for me to start dating again because I'm trying to really focus on me and what I want to do with my life. Adding a new relationship to the equation would just throw things off at this point. Plus although I'm feeling much better about myself and the changes I'm making, I sure don't feel sexy and self confident yet. I will in time, but that time is not now. Guess I'll pull the plug on my 3-day trial and try again in a few months.

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