Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Forgive the Chocolate

Yes, you read correctly, "forgive the chocolate" or "ignore the binge" because, quite frankly, it's gonna happen. I haven't been in this healthier lifestyle long enough to fight down the nastiest of demons. And no, I'm not referring to PMS, Aunt Flo, or any of the other once a month female induced excuses. This one is a doozy for me, and can kick Flo's ass anytime. She has no real strength in my book.

But dealing with the aftermath of the Ex Husband and his lil Flavor of the Month coming for a past due visit. Hell, the asshole hasn't been here to see our daughter since December 3rd, 2004. But who's keeping track?! She's seen him a few times since at family gatherings and such, but he hasn't been on Our Turf in too damn long. Tonight's visit will be short and sweet, filled with the customary "I'm a wonderful dad" spiff and they'll blow back out of town before anyone has time to catch their breath. Then I'll be left with an emotionally confused, wreck of a daughter who doesn't know how to deal with the feelings she has. She loves him, she hates him, she wants to see him, she's nervous to see him, he makes plenty of empty promises and never follows through. And guess who becomes the punching bag? ME.

To top it all off, I get the current Flavor of the Month visiting our home for the first time. It's not much, but damnit, it's mine and much more than the Ex ever provided. Still, there's something very humbling and humiliating about having the Ex's newest Flavor come into my home, eyeing up my sanctuary in an effort to quickly analyze who I am and why our marriage failed. JUST ASK! Always been the rule...won't interfere but if they ask me to my face, I won't lie. Last one didn't believe he cheated on me...did I mention he was screwing the current flavor for 6 months on the side while still engaged to the previous Flavor? Oh yeah, there's some humble pie goin' on there now isn't there?!

She's 12 years younger than us (hell, she's barely old enough to drink and is still in college) and I take great pleasure in knowing her smug little "I love him so much" attitude will be castrated when she catches him cheating on her and lying to her face. He never gets away with it for long, and eventually they all figure out what a con artist he is. HA! And they always come crawling back in shame when they realize I'm not the Bitch he's made me out to be.

Good thing I'm not BITTER, huh?! I know I'm ranting and it sounds like I'm really consumed with this whole thing, even though I divorced him 6 years ago. I'm not, really! But on the rare occassions he decides to blow in to town, play Daddy for a few hours and leave for months, I get pissed. It hurts our DD so much, and I'm so angry at him for it. As for him, I thank God every day I'm not still married to such scum. And I do take great pleasure in watching his predictible soap opera life unfold time and again. But when he comes on my territory and hurts our daughter, I take it very personal. I'm a mama bear protecting her cub. GGGGRRRRRR....

So back to the Chocolate! Each night this week I find the chocolate cravings growing stronger and stronger. I can't fight this demon much longer. It's like a big zit that needs to be popped! Either that or I need new batteries for my Rabbit! LOL This urge is greater than any of us and until I cave to it, it's not going away. At least not this week. Next week when life returns to "normal" in my house and asshole ex husband is back in his own little world, life will be good again, and chocolate will become the enemy once more.


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