Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Mindless Ramblings of a Crazy Woman

Actually, I'm not crazy. But I do have a lot of rambling thoughts going through my head today, so much that I thought I should drag my lazy ass out of bed at 5:30am on a Saturday morning to come in to work to get my desk cleaned up and, of course, to let some of these thoughts "spill onto paper" to make room for more rambling thoughts!

As for the relationship scene, things are going MUCH BETTER for me now that I gave the whole pathetic "let's just be friends" and "it's not you, it's me" speeches. It was par for the course considering everything else about our relationship felt like high school. But enough about that! The weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel tons better than I did a week, or even a few days ago.

As promised, here are some of those rambling thoughts...

#1: The other day I had to add salt to my water softener. Now normally I would have the super hot water guy come over and add it for me...those bulging biceps as he carried the large bags on his shoulders...ooh, just picturing that makes me drool. But between my cluttered, messy basement and the extra fat I've gained, I decided it's best to avoid that single hottie for now. So I went to the local Fleet Farm and bought (3) 60 lb. bags of salt. This simple act made me really fully understand the impact my added weight is having on my body. Just hauling around 1 of those bags of salt was almost enough to make me keel over right then and there. No wonder I'm so damn tired and winded all the time...that's a hell of a lot of weight I'm packing around!! I just thank God that I've "only" got 60-70 lbs. total to lose, and losing 50 would still put me back into a healthy weight range. I should keep a bag of that salt sitting by my fridge as a reminder of how far I have to go and how hard I have to work.

#2: I actually hit "rock bottom" the other day. I hit my all-time high weight of exactly 200.0 lbs. What a double edged sword that was for me. Of course it was extremely depressing to see, but at the same moment I realized that I will never let myself go higher. I've hit that "do or die" mark. For me it's no longer a goal or a dream to get fit and lose weight. It will happen. I have no other choice. What should've made me curl up in the fetal position and sob in a pool of shame actually gave me the push I needed.

Then I did the unthinkable...I pulled out my camera, zoomed in on the numbers and snapped a few shots of that hideous number. No, I'm not into self torture. But I want those pictures with the date on, to look back at a year from now and say OMG, I can't believe my weight was that out of control. And I will, believe me. I've also printed out a few copies to place strategically around the house and in my purse as a continuous reminder of how out of control I let things get, and as incentive to keep from going back there. Just having that "proof" should be enough motivation to keep me on the right path, at least sometimes.

#3: I know that an important tool for eating healthy & exercising is to record such things in a journal. My compulsive personality has been struggling to find a journal to use that feels "right" to me. I've even tried making some customized charts/journals to fit my own needs, with no luck. Yesterday I found a food & exercise journal on Amazon which appears to be just what I'm looking for. It's called "DietMinder Personal Food & Fitness Journal" and I can't wait until it arrives Monday! It's spiral-bound and has areas to record everything I eat including the calories, fat. protein & carbs. I can record my starting stats (weight & measurements) and personal goals. I can record how much water I drink. I can record how I "feel" each day. And I record my fitness activities including intensity & duration, calories burned, etc. I'm like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I've already deemed this my own personal bible which I will keep with me at all times from the moment it arrives.

#4: Things are progressing slowly but steadily on the "uncluttering the home" front. I did manage to get a portion of the basement cleaned out this week. I got the dog groomed, car in for service, a haircut, and several other errands taken care of. It was unseasonably warm here...mid 50's on Thursday - this is MID JANUARY in WISCONSIN!! I actually hung laundry out on the line the other day. Believe me, I'm not complaining. I do miss seeing (some) snow this time of year but I could certainly live without it too. Next weekend my DD is going "up north" with a friend and her family to enjoy some winter outdoor fun. I'm nervous about her going (she's only 8) but excited to have an entire weekend all to myself. I've known the family she's going with all my life (in fact, it's my boss' son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter she'll be with, and they'll be at my boss' cabin).

Well lots more to ramble about but I really need to get some work done. The sun is out now so I guess I've been at this long enough for now. More to come, I promise! :)

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