Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

Just like the little engine..."I think I can, I think I can..." I just keep reminding myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. Today is "Day 3" of my New Life.

Yes, I've had slip-ups. In fact, yesterday when my boss brought in several boxes of Girl Scout cookies I began to panic. He even gave me a box of my favorite kind and I resisted the temptation, sort of. I put the box away with very good intentions of taking it home for my daughter to enjoy (especially since last year I ate an entire box of that kind without even sharing one measly cookie). I made it through the morning and most of the afternoon without feeling the urge to cave. I was unusually hungry at work yesterday and fed myself healthy snack throughout the day. By 3pm I decided I needed just one cookie. Not being good at controlling my binges, 1 became 8 in 2 minutes flat. I suddenly felt overcome with disgust and shame, not to mention the uneasiness of the sugar rock sitting in my gut.

Now this is the important part of the story: in my past life I would have said, "screw it", finished the remaining box of cookies and then went to McDonalds for a Big Mac and fries for dinner. I decided to take the high road and forgive myself for caving. "It's not the end of the world" I told myself. Instead, I picked up a grilled chicken salad on the way home from work so I would have something healthy, light and not calorie-loaded for dinner, especially since my stomach was now full from the cookies.

After my slip-up with the GS cookies (I refuse to call it "failure" anymore), I almost didn't get on the treadmill and tried convincing myself that I'd start over fresh today. But damnit, that's been my reasoning for SO LONG and it obviously doesn't work for me. So I decided to get on the treadmill for "a few minutes", just so I could tell myself I did it. Nothing intense mind you, just a casual short stroll to easy my guilt a little for the cookies. I ended up walking for 25 minutes which I know is not a marathon (especially with my top speed of 3 mph) but I was careful to warm up and cool down, and push myself at times by increasing the incline for short spurts. All the while my daughter and her friend played on the living room floor next to me, with the friend staring at me in wonder. Maybe it was my 200 lb. flubber slapping around, or the huffing & puffing noises I was making. Maybe it was my goofy actions while really getting into the music. Or maybe it's because her twenty-something stay-at-home mom can be regulary seen jogging around town effortlessly (she's about a size 6, if that), and next to her I looked like an utter freak. But I didn't care, and my daughter wasn't embarrassed - she knows I need to start taking better care of myself and wants me to be healthy. Regardless, I did it and I felt damn proud. Tonight I'll go for 30-45 minutes, depending on how my body feels. This weekend I want to increase my treadmill workouts to twice per day - morning and night. I haven't conquered the "get out of bed early to workout" routine yet so maybe if I do a few practice runs this weekend I can get into the swing of things.

As for nighttime binging...last night was probably the best night I've had in weeks. When I went to bed I kept telling myself that I would NOT get up and eat during the night. This is especially challenging for me since I get up a few times each night to pee. After chugging down 30+ oz. of water while on the treadmill last night, I really got up a lot! After about an hour or so of sleep I was woken up by my DD and ended up faltering a bit; I had 2 more of those DAMN cookies. But I didn't have another bite to eat during the night, which was awesome! In the grand scheme of things, even with my cookie falters I still consumed less fat & calories overall than I used to in a day. I continue to hold myself accountable for every bite I, was it hard to record those cookies in my journal this morning. But I did it, and I moved on. Today is a new and brighter day and I'm not looking behind me. Onward Soldier!


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