Kill the Muffin-Top!

The trials and tribulations of my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


I did it, I really finally did it! I dragged my butt of the couch and onto the treadmill last night for the first time since early spring of last year. What a shame that it has sat unused in my living room for so long. When I sat down on the side to put on my Nikes, I thought my DD was going to fall over as she asked, "what are you doing?!" and she was even more surprised to see me actually get on the thing and use it. I felt great when she began questioning when I'd be off so she could use it too. I didn't want to over do it so I started at a nice slow pace and only walked for 20 minutes. I certainly felt like I could've gone longer but I know from experience if I had, I'd probably have ended up with shin splints which would only set me back. I WILL get back on there tonight!

I feel great, the tunes I downloaded on my cheesy mp3 player (not an iPod, that's for sure!) really helped. Only upper arms are so fat that I couldn't strap on the armband holder comfortably! But that will change soon enough, so no worries about it now.

How did I feel after I got off the treadmill? Incredible! My heart was thumping, my body was sweating, and most of all I felt proud of myself for just doing it. I'm actually (I think) looking forward to getting on there again tonight and pushing myself a little more. Remember, baby steps...I also chugged down a big bottle of water in the process which helped towards my daily water requirement. I didn't quite make it yesterday, but I will today.

My "DietMinder Personal Food and Fitness Journal" arrived yesterday as planned. It's actually better than I expected! The only downfall is that the spaces to record the foods eaten are rather narrow. But that's easy to overcome since they provide ample lines for recording each meal. At least the journal is compact enough to fit in my purse - it helps to have it with me at all times. When I showed my mom she instantly fell in love with it too so I ordered her one and it came today (gotta love Amazon!). I also bought "Eating Mindfully" by Susan Ablers which I read about on Nicole's site. I checked it out from the library last week and decided I need a copy of my own which I can highlight and scribble notes in. The book makes a lot of sense to me and sure hits home with some of the eating problems described.

Which brings me to "how I did" yesterday...the entire day I was very careful and concious of what I ate. Afterall, now I'm holding myself accountable by recording everything that goes in my mouth thanks to my new journal! I had a great day and even found myself chopping up some fresh veggies last night after my sad little treadmill workout. I went to bed feeling proud as hell, especially since I consumed just under 1200 calories. My personal daily goal is to consume about 1500 nutritional calories per day, plus daily exercise of some sort. This isn't a definate goal, but a guideline. From what I can tell, I've probably been eating 3000+ (mostly empty) calories per day for the longest time. NO WONDER I GOT SO DAMN FAT!!! I'm going to try and listen to my body, feed it what it needs and work towards strengthening it every day. Anyhow, I didn't feel so bad about underconsuming calories for just one day because I really was full and content at the end of the day.

Then the nighttime comes...I seriously have an eating problem I think. I can be good all day and no matter how or what I eat, I find myself binging on crap during the night. Not that I'm hungry, or that I even really conciously do it. Sometimes I wake and find half-eaten food in my hand from when I fell back to sleep during a binge. I stumble to the kitchen in a sleepy stupor and dig for whatever sugar (ususally) I can find. Last night it was 2 bowls of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles, and I don't even like chocolate ice cream!!! And an entire bag of cheese slices (and not the low fat kind). So this morning I shamefully had to record the almost 1000 calories and 60 grams of fat I binged on during the night. What a horrible way to start the day. No wonder I oversleep and wake a crabby bitch in the mornings. My body is in shock, not to mention riddled with guilt and shame.

If...I mean WHEN... I learn to control my middle of the night binges, there is no doubt I'll be able to start losing weight instead of gaining it. I hope that as I increase my exercise level each day and as I start to choose healthy foods over empty foods, the nighttime binges will subside. I'm a strong woman, I've been to hell and back (thanks to the ex husband) and I can surely defeat this monster which has been increasingly torturing me for years. I can do it. I know I can.


  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger michael said…

    you know what, i kind of in the same boat you are; being good during the day, exercising when i can, then destroying my progress at night. what i do is tape a picture where i look HORRIBLE and every time i walk by i look at it. keep it up!

  • At 12:14 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Thanks Michael, I appreciate the support. I actually took some photos of me from Christmas, printed them out and posted them around the house as a reminder. I also took a photo of my scale showing me at my highest that's motivation. We'll see if that works! :)


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